The CEO Called It Outstanding. The $450 Million Loss Agreed.

On Wednesday, Cerebras Systems — the AI chip startup that IPO’d in May with the confidence of a man bringing a sword to a knife fight — reported its second earnings ever.

CEO Andrew Feldman: “This was an outstanding quarter.”

Sonny has the receipts, your honor. 🐊

📉 Revenue missed by 7%. GAAP net loss: $450.5 million — swinging from a $309.5 million profit a year ago. The wheels didn’t come off. The wheels filed for independence.

🎯 Loss per share: $2.98. Street expected $0.17. Cerebras didn’t miss the target. Cerebras missed the building the target was in.

💸 The bleeding: $386.6 million in stock-based compensation. The company handed itself more equity than it earned in revenue. Fumbled the bag — then printed a new bag and filed it as an operating expense.

The stock fell 14%. P/S ratio: 291x. Feldman called it outstanding.

Womp womp. 🤡