🌴🌴
Bent Over Club · Miami Beach · Est. 2026
The Hall of Famefor Epic Disasters
🐊
Sonny Jr. Esq. · Club Mascot · Miami Beach
"We don't wish anyone ill. We just document what happens when they do it to themselves." — Pure Fumbles since 2026 🌴
$1.7B Lost👑 10 Founding Members100% Avoidable
Ocean Drive · Dusk · 1984 🌴
— Founding Members —
GR
Google / Reddit
Search deal · 2024-2026
$130M/yr · $0 to users
Google paid Reddit $60M/yr for AI training data. Reddit blocked every other search engine, framed it as user protection, and sold the same data to OpenAI too. The users who wrote it all got $0.
🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊 9/10
= $193M CEO comp, $0 to the people who typed it
🍑 No Vaseline Chronicles Ch.1GI
Gillette
"We Believe" ad · Boston, 2019
$8B writedown
Told men their masculinity was toxic. Dollar Shave Club replied "Welcome to the Club" in 3 words. P&G wrote off $8 billion and blamed currencies. The CEO retired with honors. The director won an Emmy. The customer got homework.
🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊 8/10
💸 = $3,333 lost per $1 donated to charity
💸 Marketing Chronicles Ch.3SA
Situational Awareness
AI hedge fund · New York, 2024-2026
-67% / $30B
Predicted the AI boom in a 165-page essay. Built a fund to $45B in exposure. Lost 67% in one month — during his own wedding week. Named the fund "Situational Awareness." The one thing he wasn't aware of was his own situation.
🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊 8/10
📉 = Right about machines. Wrong about leverage.
🔮 Epic Fumbles · 2026MZ
Meta
AI layoffs · Menlo Park, 2024-2026
32,000 fired
AI-powered performance reviews flagged parents on parental leave as low performers. The algorithm measured keystrokes, not contribution. Zuckerberg took paternity leave in 2015 and 2017. The algorithm didn't know that.
🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊 9/10
🤖 = In 2022, he cried. In 2026, he delegated the crying.
🤖 Meta Chronicles Ch.1MS
Microsoft
Invested in "AI" · London/Bangalore
$30M → $0
Invested in Builder.ai. The "AI" was 700 engineers in Bangalore. WSJ warned them in 2019. They invested in 2023. The CEO needed Google.
🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊 10/10
= AI stood for Actually Indians
💻 Microsoft Chronicles Ch.1EH
Elizabeth Holmes
CEO, Theranos · 11 years prison
$9B → $0
Faked her voice. Faked her machine. Faked her CEO. Kissinger, Murdoch, and four-star generals fell for it. Now serving 11 years with her boyfriend serving 12.
🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊 10/10
🩸 = Bonnie & Sunny — bled together, jailed together
🤡 Epic Fumbles · 2026