🎪 Beat every Q2 estimate · Guidance cut $4.34B → $4.08-4.16B · Stock -22% · CFO + CMO departing 2027 · Fired 700 for AI in 2024 · Down 45% YTD

🤡 Fired 900 on Zoom before Christmas 2021 · Ousted Aug 3 by board member he invited 1 week earlier · $8B → $300M (96% collapse) · Now offering to return for $1/year

🎭 2 years of SEC filings restated · 'Materially misstated' · Stock -13% in one session · $77M in corrections · Internal controls ineffective

🎭 $18.8M settlement · Mass-texted the Do Not Call Registry · 6,695 stores · ~$71B market cap · TCPA violation

🤡 $450.5M GAAP loss (was $309.5M profit YoY) · -$2.98 EPS vs -$0.17 expected · Revenue missed 7% · Stock -14% · CEO: 'outstanding quarter' · P/S ratio 291.5x

🐷 $626M loss (2x YoY) · $640M interest expense (2x YoY) · $9.4B CapEx one quarter · $13.5B new debt · Current ratio 0.31 · Stock +15%

🍑 $942M total NM child safety judgment · 3,000+ addiction lawsuits cleared · 'Public nuisance' court finding · 6,500-word CEO manifesto

🍑 Watch hours: 4,000 → 8,000 · Shorts views: 10M → 20M / 90 days · Existing partners grandfathered · $100B paid 2021-2025

💉 $0.31/hour reentry clerk wage · $4.5B peak net worth (2015) · 99.99999993% haircut

💵 Dashboard ads on $61K–$160K BMWs · 70+ countries · through Aug 10

💸 $17.99/mo to watch early · free on YouTube 6 hours later

💸 ~$100M market cap lost · logo reverted in 8 days · CEO out in 33 months

💸 $1B breakup fee · Figma +48% revenue · Adobe ~10%

💸 SK Hynix -10.37% · Samsung -6.3% · Kospi -4.58%

💸 $18.4B capex in Q2 · $15.8B to AI · shares down 24% since IPO

💸 $500B lost · 7 weeks since IPO · first earnings today

💸 $35.6M CEO pay · 360× median employee · drivers excluded

💸 Claims: $710M · Reality: $12M · Gap: 98.3%

💸 $34,000 stolen via hair dryer